Oddly Sexual (Worship, Part 2)

Have you ever heard someone say that a song has "Jesus is my girlfriend lyrics"? The first time I heard that said was back in the 1980s, when some Christian pop and rock artists appeared to take the approach of writing songs that were about God (wink, wink!) but that didn't actually mention Him by name, and were written in such a way that they could be misunderstood as being about a romantic relationship. The idea was to still perform music that would appeal to a church crowd, but also to perhaps attract a wider audience. The graph on this page is a commentary on this, ironically saying that almost all Christian music is like that.

I disagree with the graph on two points. First, I disagree that almost all of Christian music is like that; I think there's plenty of Christian music out there that talks about things other than a "Jesus is my girlfriend" relationship with our Savior.

Second, I disagree that there is anything wrong with describing our relationship with God using metaphors that are sexual in nature. I think that's perfectly fine!

Now, don't get me wrong. There's a limit to how far you can go with that, and obviously describing the sex act itself is crossing the line a bit. But God described His relationship to His people that way many times; the story the Bible tells is about God reaching out to mankind, mankind stumbling and ultimately failing God, and God reaching out again and ultimately restoring His relationship to His people, and God often uses male/female metaphors to help us understand it. And God apparently doesn't mind being a bit graphic. In fact, there are a few places where, if I were the editor of the Bible, I would have been like, "Woah, God... you're crossing the line a little bit with that one!"

You can find the beginning of the story in Ezekiel 16. Speaking of when God first chose the nation of Israel to be His people, it says "...you were cast out on the open field, for you were abhorred, on the day that you were born. And when I passed by you and saw you wallowing in your blood, I said to you in your blood, ‘Live!’ I said to you in your blood, ‘Live!’" A little bit graphic, isn't it? But it gets more graphic. Don't read these parts of the Bible to your kids!

Continuing: "I made you flourish like a plant of the field. And you grew up and became tall and arrived at full adornment. Your breasts were formed, and your hair had grown; yet you were naked and bare. When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord GOD, and you became mine." This is a reference to betrothal, God becoming "engaged to be married" to His people. But wait... the engagement happened while God was looking at her "naked and bare" and considering the state of her breasts and whether she was at "the age for love"? Scandalous!

God and His bride, the beautiful girl He had rescued as an infant, became married. But things went downhill from there. "But you trusted in your beauty and played the whore because of your renown and lavished your whorings on any passerby; your beauty became his." The beautiful wife decided to become a prostitute. And not a reluctant prostitute, either: "...you built yourself a vaulted chamber and made yourself a lofty place in every square. At the head of every street you built your lofty place and made your beauty an abomination, offering yourself to any passerby and multiplying your whoring." Later on it says that she actually had sex with some "lovers" whom she "loved", and some she didn't even like but "hated"! Apparently she didn't care if she liked them or not, as long as the action was happening.

I'll leave it to you to read the chapter and see what God says will happen to His wayward bride and her lovers. Warning: Rated PG-13 for violence and sexual themes.

If the PG-13 violence of Ezekiel 16 isn't enough for you, maybe you'll enjoy the even more graphic descriptions of the conduct of God's people in Ezekiel 23 (Warning: Rated R for Graphic Sexuality): "She did not give up her whoring that she had begun in Egypt; for in her youth men had lain with her and handled her virgin bosom and poured out their whoring lust upon her." "She lusted after the Assyrians, governors and commanders, warriors clothed in full armor, horsemen riding on horses, all of them desirable young men. And I saw that she was defiled; they both took the same way." "Yet she increased her whoring, remembering the days of her youth, when she played the whore in the land of Egypt and lusted after her lovers there, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose issue was like that of horses."

"Members like donkeys"? "Issue like horses"? Are you kidding me?? Maybe I should have rated this chapter NC-17! (Fortunately, this does not qualify as an "oddly sexual" metaphor, as the graph indicates. This metaphor is blatant and graphic!)

The poem in Hosea 2 carries on the theme of Israel being an unfaithful wife who has taken up prostitution, with God saying to the (illegitimate) children of the woman, "Plead with your mother, plead—for she is not my wife, and I am not her husband—that she put away her whoring from her face, and her adultery from between her breasts..." This time, though, there is a gleam of hope at the end: "...behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her... And in that day, declares the LORD, you will call me ‘My Husband’... and I will make you lie down in safety. And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness."

God has always sought to restore the relationship with His wayward Bride. Isaiah 54 is God's longing vision of this restoration:

    “Fear not, for you will not be ashamed;
        be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced;
    for you will forget the shame of your youth,
        and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.
    For your Maker is your husband,
        the LORD of hosts is his name;
    and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
        the God of the whole earth he is called.
    For the LORD has called you
        like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,
    like a wife of youth when she is cast off,
        says your God.
    For a brief moment I deserted you,
        but with great compassion I will gather you.
    In overflowing anger for a moment
        I hid my face from you,
    but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,”
        says the LORD, your Redeemer.
Isaiah 54:4-8 ESV

There's more... it's a beautiful chapter. I invite you to click over or open a Bible and read through it; a lovlier and more heartfelt description of a loving husband's forgiveness of his wife's unfaithfulness has not been written. It will bring tears to your eyes.

God has not abandoned this metaphor in the Church Age. Paul said to the church in Corinth, "For I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ." (2 Corinthians 11:2 ESV) In Ephesians 5:25-27 he makes it clear that the relationship between a husband and wife is just like the relationship between Christ and the Church, and is almost certainly referring to that chapter in Ezekiel 16 that I mentioned earlier in this post.

So what does this all have to do with worship? Well, you may find that the songs you sing in church services talk a lot about loving God, embracing Him, Him being "beautiful" or "lovely", etc. Since Jesus walked on Earth as a human male, this kind of language might sometimes be easier for a woman to fully buy into than a man; what man walks up to a buddy and says, "Hey man, you look beautiful today!" But it is fully OK to use man and wife imagery as a reference of the relationship between God and mankind, and I think it's OK to use that kind of intimate language to refer to the relationship between each of us and Jesus.

Because even though Jesus is not our girlfriend, as it turns out, we are His!

I've said some pretty controversial things in this blog post, and I've included some passages from the Old Testament prophets that are quite graphic. Do you think that sexual imagery is appropriate in a worship setting? Should it be as overt as the metaphors in these passages, or should it be a little more understated? Do you disagree with my analysis that the people of God are indeed thought of as His "girlfriend" (okay, I'll go with "bride")? Join the discussion in the Comments section below! Also, don't miss Part 1 of this one-week series on Worship!

How Far is "too far"?

The following question came to me via Formspring:

Is there anywhere in the Bible that specifically lists what sexual impurities refer to, or how far "too far" actually is?

Here's my answer:

The short answer: no, not specifically. This is related to something we were talking about last night at my church, actually. There are two concepts in the Bible that you have to understand: "Law" and "Grace." "Law" means a set of rules that you follow in order to keep things square with God. The Ten Commandments are the most famous example of this, but the concept is throughout the Bible. "Grace" means that you are square with God because of the sacrifice of Christ Jesus on the cross. Under Grace, whether or not you follow rules and regulations does not determine if you are right with God; whether or not you accept Jesus' sacrifice for you determines whether you are right or wrong with God.

That is not to say that there are not right and wrong things to do even if you are living under grace. For example, a Christian under grace is not allowed to rob a convenience store at gunpoint. If he does, although he is forgiven by God when he confesses his sin, he is not forgiven by the owner of the convenience store or by the local police department. There are consequences of his actions which are not wiped out by Grace. So, there are "right" things to do, and there are "wrong" things to do, even if they are not necessarily always codified in specific sets of rules in the Bible.

The reason the Bible doesn't necessarily set up specific sets of rules for every circumstance is that, first of all, God doesn't WANT us to live under a Law. Part of the reason God gave the Law to the nation of Israel was to demonstrate how impossible it is to always perfectly follow a set of rules. Living that way is a losing game. And second of all, God has actually written His Law on our hearts (see Hebrews 10:16 http://esv.to/Heb10:16). If you have accepted God's sacrifice through Jesus, your heart knows right from wrong. You know when you've crossed the line; you don't need a playbook with diagrams and a tape measure to know whether you've gone "too far." Under grace, The Law which is external becomes unnecessary, because God's Law is internal to each of us.

But you don't need a rulebook to determine whether you have sinned or not anyway, because from God's perspective, the sin is not something you do with your body, but something you do with your heart. Matthew 5:27 (http://esv.to/Mat5:27) says that if you even look at someone with the intention of having sex outside of marriage, you have already sinned, whether you actually follow through with it or not. This is not to say that you can't be attracted to someone and desire a physical relationship, because sexual attraction was created by God. But the instant of the sin is probably sometime around when you go from "I would really like to go to bed with that person" to "If given a chance, I WILL go to bed with that person."

So: the Bible doesn't particularly give specific "how far is too far" rules, although doubtless you could find some in there if you look around enough. The reason why is that you already know the limits, because God has written them on your heart; if you choose to look for rules and regulations, you don't have to look any further than there. When the sin has occurred internally, the sin has occurred from God's perspective. My advice to you is: keep your mind pure. Keep your hands from going where they don't need to go. Keep the parts of your body that need to be covered, covered. And if you make a mistake in your heart, bring it before God in prayer and make it right; don't beat yourself up about it. Live under Grace; don't go looking for the Law to tell you what to do, because the Law is merciless in meting out punishment when you mess up.

Living Together Before Marriage

The following question came to me via Formspring:

where, in the Bible, does it say that a couple cannot live together before marriage? Or, does it?

Here's my answer:

I don't know of a place in the Bible that says that a man and woman cannot live in the same dwelling if they are not married. There may be some Old Testament rules/customs related to that, but I don't see a moral reason why that wouldn't be OK. Now, if you are using "live together" as a euphemism for "have a sexual relationship," that changes the picture a bit.

I can think of two reasons off the top of my head that sex outside of a marriage relationship is not the way of believers in the Bible. One reason is that the Bible is pretty clear that two individuals who join themselves in a sexual relationship "become one flesh" (see 1 Corinthians 6:16 http://esv.to/1Cor6:16). Once you have united yourself to someone else, you can't un-unite... in some ways it would be like an amputation. That's why divorce is so emotionally horrible; it's severing one flesh. So having sex with someone and not being married to them is leaving yourself open to an emotional crash later on; with the marriage commitment in place there is a higher barrier to walking out the door. The barrier is for our own protection.

The other reason is that marriage is a picture of Christ's relationship to His bride, which is the Church (consisting of all Christians, not any specific group but all believers in Jesus) (see Ephesians 5:22-33 http://esv.to/Eph5:22-33). Doing an end-run around marriage in favor of having a sexual relationship while unmarried, even a stable, long-term relationship with commitment, paints a twisted picture of Christ's love for us. Jesus loved us enough to make a commitment, and a man should love his woman enough to make a commitment to her as well.

You could find a lot more reasons and arguments out there on the Web, but those are the ones that spring to mind. You might also take a look at these lists of Scriptures about Marriage and Sex on my site.

Things the Bible says about marriage:
http://scripturemenu.com/BibleVerseList.html?topicid=75

Things the Bible says about sex:
http://scripturemenu.com/BibleVerseList.html?topicid=33

Ask me anything

More of my Formspring answers

how to live holy in youth days..how to serve lord jesus in youth days.what god is accepting from my youth life?

I received the above question on Formspring, a site that allows people to ask questions of others. You may have heard about it on the news; in some places teenagers are using it to heckle other teenagers. I'm not using it for that, as you can see below.

The book of Ecclesiastes says "Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near of which you will say, 'I have no pleasure in them' " (http://esv.to/Eccl 12/). The writer of Ecclesiastes tried everything he could think of to make himself happy - entertainment, money, superior knowledge, sex, everything. What he discovered was that anything you do in your life apart from God is meaningless. The point of the book of Ecclesiastes is to start out early, when you are a young person, following after God's will for you... and then when you get older, you won't have to look back and say, "Well, THAT was a waste of time!"

Now, as to "how" to follow God so that you don't one day look back and say that... I'm afraid that's not a question that can really be answered for you by somebody else. You probably know some of the key things you can do: learn everything you can about God's Word, spend time praying and worshiping God, that sort of thing. Another key is found in 2 Timothy 2:22 - "So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." (http://esv.to/2 Tim 2:22/ ) By "youthful passions" Paul wasn't just talking about sexual passion (although that certainly qualifies) but he meant that you should remain cool-headed and not make big decisions based on the emotion of the moment. Check every decision against the Word of God and the voice of the Holy Spirit within you (meaning, pray about it and then listen to what God says back) and you won't spend your life messing up.

It also means that there are times when you literally should "flee" something that you know better than to get mixed up in. Recently a woman was telling my wife and me about how proud she is of her teen-aged daughters, who have a habit of calling or texting their mom when they are with friends and it looks like things might go in the wrong direction. "Mom, call me and tell me I have to come home right now!" is a text message she's received several times from her girls. They are fleeing from a situation they know they don't want to be in. A famous example of this "get out of there!" strategy is found in Genesis 39:1-23. (http://esv.to/Gen 39:1-23/ )

I would advise you to read that passage in Genesis, and also take a look at Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes can seem quite depressing (because the author was kind of down when he wrote it), but you need to look at it as an example of what will happen if you do not choose to follow God. I can't tell you step by step exactly what to do to serve Jesus - I don't know your situation (where you live, what needs might be around you that God might call on you to fill, what your gifts and talents might be, etc.) but I do know that young people face temptation (old people do too!) and need to resist it. And I do know that God had something in mind for you when He placed you on Earth, and He has no intention of keeping it a secret from you. Hook up to him - plug in like plugging lamp into a wall socket - by getting your mind filled with what the Bible says and by spending time in His presence in prayer and worship, and when the time comes for you to make a decision about what to do with yourself, make your decision based on God's counsel and not your own "youthful passions" and you will do just fine.

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This Little Light Of Mine

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The Light of the Lamp

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