It's been a minute since I posted - I don't want to get into a lot of detail about every little thing that happens ("I had to go pee twice during my infusion today!!" No thanks, TMI) but I do want to let people see my general trajectory because God is doing awesome things! So don't expect the level of detail from the first several posts, but do keep reading!
The update on the physical side is that there are very good indications in my blood work and a few more scans the doctor ordered that the chemo treatments are going very well. I've seen a few side effects, but on the whole they are still quite mild compared to what could happen and what does happen to others. God's hand is working! If you want gory details and you know me in person, don't be shy to ask. If you don't know me in person but you want to talk (maybe you're going through something yourself), do feel free to contact me, through the comments if you can't find another way.
Okay, here's what I really wanted to talk about. I've been very blessed for a number of years to be able to serve on my church's worship team, and I was rehearsing last week to serve this past Sunday. When I'm practicing the songs on my own, learning the lyrics and the music, I'm actually meditating on what they say... some of my best personal times of worship and communion with God happen when I'm practicing a song and I get a little choked up by what it's saying and I have to stop for a minute and just thank God for what He has done for me!
To preface what I'm going to say about one of the songs I was practicing this week, I have two items of context. The first thing is that my wife won a battle with cancer several years ago - the surgery that removed the last traces of it from her body will have happened three years ago in September. Completely cancer-free for three years! God did great things for her!
The second thing is that I've been listening a lot to a 40-year-old Carman song named "Prepare to Die". Saying it out of context makes it seem like a pretty morbid thing to listen to during cancer treatments, but actually it's not ME that is preparing to die, it's the CANCER that is preparing to die! The first verse tells the story of Goliath walking out onto the battlefield, seeing David, and basically telling David that he is going to wipe him off the face of the Earth... but then in the chorus, David tells Goliath that he is actually fighting the "God of the armies of Israel", so Goliath had better "prepare to die!" Then in the second verse, a giant walks out into the battlefield of our life, and as we stand there, the giant tells us it's going to wipe us out, because its name isn't Goliath... it's "Depression" or "Leukemia" or... "Cancer". Then the chorus rolls around, and like David, we become bold and aggressive, and we tell that giant of an enemy, "prepare to die!" (Here's a YouTube video of the song with lyrics, if you want to check it out!)
It's kind of amazing how a song you rocked out to when you were 15 hits differently when you're 55 and actually facing one of the giants Carman named in the song.
That said, fast forward to me rehearsing this song for our worship set:
Remember those walls that we called sin and shame?
They were like prisons that we couldn't escape,
But He came, and He died, and He rose...
Those walls are rubble now.
I was hearing salvation of the soul. But when I sang the second part of the verse:
Remember those giants we called death and grave?
They were like mountains that stood in our way,
But He came, and He died, and He rose...
Those giants are dead now.
I couldn't help but think about the giants of disease from the Carman song, and how my wife would be dead and in a grave now from her cancer if not for the working of God in her life. We remember, and we need to remember! The last verse refers back to Exodus where God told His people to build altars and set up memorial stone to remind them of His goodness toward them:
Remember that fear that took our breath away?
Faith so weak that we could barely pray,
But He heard every word, every whisper.
Now those altars in the wilderness
Tell the story of His faithfulness -
Never once did He fail, and He never will!
As I'm going through whatever I go through on the way to my full restoration, which I know with certainty in my heart is on its way, I can look back to the memorial altars... the big one is that day she got to ring the "I'm cured!" bell at the treatment center... but there are plenty more things that we can look back on from that wilderness time for us, and say, "THIS is what our God is like. He saved Cat's life, and not He's saving Michael's life!"
At the risk of sounding simplistic or saccharine, I want to tell you with all of the honesty in my heart. GOD CAN AND WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU. You just have to choose to trust Him, and He won't let you down!
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