A Long Week

If you want to start at the beginning, here's Part 1.

This week was tough. Tough in a couple of ways. Not as tough as it is for some people, but still tough.

Tuesday, as you'll already know if you've read my previous post, I went in for my first round of chemotherapy. Chemotherapy is well known for triggering a wide array of possible side effects, in a puzzlingly random fashion. A good oncologist will tell you that these are the possible side effects, we have no way to determine which ones will actually happen in your specific body with your specific cancer, but here's what to do if they do. From my previous post you know that I had zero side effects when I was in the chair for seven hours getting my infusion (praise God - that's an amazing blessing right there!) but when I got home I started to experience an uncomfortable side effect known as first bite syndrome, or FBS. To briefly recap what that is, picture in your mind the worst muscle cramp you've ever had. Now imagine that every time you take the first bite of pretty much anything, you get that cramp simultaneously in both hinges of your jaw, and it lasts maybe 10-15 seconds before it subsides and you can eat normally. It can be excruciating, and it's pretty frustrating to have to deal with it after all of my talk about faith for healing! Typically FBS subsides over time as the meds work their way out of your system, but basically I've dealt with it all week since then. I continue to speak out that the pain doesn't belong to me, Jesus took it and it has to leave my body! But it hung around anyway.

Then there was Tuesday night, when, probably due to the steroids they gave me, at about 2am I was suddenly wide awake for about three hours. Taking in all of that medication at once tends to wear a patient out a bit anyway, and being low on sleep certainly didn't help over the next few days. Keep in mind, Monday I had an 8:15am appointment with the nurse practitioner, then Tuesday my arrival time at the treatment center for infusion was 7am. So I was behind the eight ball a little bit on sleep even before my 3-hour unwanted wake-up; I tried to take it as easy as I could and go to bed as early as possible, but I struggled with fatigue all week.

Then there was the low-level queasiness that's been my companion most of the week. I have some anti-nausea medicine, but it seemed like overkill when I wasn't throwing up or anything - I did eventually try it out one day, and it seemed to do more damage than help, so I laid off for the rest of the week.

It also didn't help that I had some kind of medical appointment every day - four at the cancer treatment center and one at a hospital for a heart echo (everything looked good). By Friday I was absolutely sick and tired of driving up to the cancer center!

I'm saying all of this not to complain, and not to elicit sympathy, and certainly not to paint a picture that somehow I have flawless faith that took away every moment of discomfort. I think it's honest to share that some things, despite a ton of prayer of faith from dozens of people I do and don't know, still haven't gone how I would have mapped them out if I was writing the script. I did not feel full of faith every day when my tummy was complaining that it was hungry and upset, and my jaws were complaining that they didn't want to chew anyway, and my body was complaining that it just wanted to go back to bed please. But in those moments when I didn't feel like being super faith man, I held on to my belief that God wants me well and that's where I'm headed. And, on the positive side, ever since we started having people pray for me and then especially this week after one chemo treatment, my initial symptom of having difficulty swallowing seems to be getting a LOT better. I don't have medical documentation that there has been a significant change, but it seems like it to me!

The other day I told a friend of mine: "Sometimes you 'believe' in healing, and other times you darn well better REALLY believe in healing!" All faith is is making the decision that you are going to follow what the Word of God says, no matter what. Either it's true or it's not. Faith is when you quit riding the fence and jump off on the God side.

Today I was still able (with permission from the oncologist) to volunteer with my wife as a Sunday school teacher for preschoolers at church. We love those kids with all of our hearts, and I don't want to miss out on having the chance to spend time with them and share Jesus with them. It was an amazing victory to have the energy to do that! God is absolutely doing some incredible things in my body!