Special Effects

Me writing this post during chemo, wearing
my "Punch Cancer in the Face" shirt

There's something I've been wanting to talk about for a while, but it's a little difficult because on the surface, it seems like it flies in the face of all of the "faith for healing" stuff I've said so far. But join me on this rabbit trail and let's see where it takes us!

First of all, I have EXCELLENT news to report! Some background: during cancer treatment, the oncologist tracks some factors in your blood work called "markers". I won't pretend to understand the first thing about them, but essentially they give the doctor an idea of how much cancer is still in there without having to do a CT scan every week. When my nurse practitioner looked at the report of the two markers they are following for me, she got a big smile on her face. "You're going to want to take a picture of this for your wife to see!" she said. The chart for one marker showed my level as barely above the "normal" range, way down from the high level of just a month or two ago, and for the other one it showed right smack in the middle of the "normal" range! Glory to God! (No, I don't know if this means we can stop doing chemo infusions soon - I wasn't going to ask the nurse to speak for the doctor. He'll tell us at the right time! For now, we continue to do what is clearly working!)

So God and medicine are doing great things for us! But there is one thing that is still a lingering (if minor) problem: side effects.

I mentioned the side effects I have been experiencing here and here. They aren't anything like as severe as they could be, and for that I am truly thankful! But what I was hoping and praying for was that I wouldn't have to put up with side effects at all! When I started having them, my brain automatically started trying to figure out why.

"You're pumping chemicals into your body that you know cause these things," my brain said. "You can't drink a case of alcohol and pray not to be drunk. There are causes and effects in the world, and the effect of letting them put that medicine into you is that you are going to have those side effects."

Thanks, brain, that's absolutely not helpful.

I had been thinking about the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego - three young men who were sentenced to death by burning, and were actually thrown into a fatally hot furnace, and not only did they not die, but their very clothes were not harmed by the fire - they came out not even smelling like smoke! (Daniel 3:27) My brain started telling me, "These side effects smell like smoke to me! Why aren't you coming through this not smelling like smoke? Is there something wrong with your trust in God, faith man?"

At this point of the story, I don't really know what to write. I do believe that God can remove all side effects from me. I don't know why that hasn't happened. I do know that it would be entirely possible for my side effects to be many times worse, and there are some side effects of my chemo meds that I have not experienced, so maybe God is shielding me from worse stuff. I haven't even lost any hair that I had at the start of treatment (yeah, that bald spot was already there!) It's clear that my treatment is going well, and I see God's hand in that. Several people who know me well and know what is going on have told me "You look really good!" (Not meaning that I've got a hot dad bod... meaning that I don't look like someone who has been going through chemotherapy for the past three months.) I wonder if Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego felt a little crispy while they were in the fire? Maybe they sweated a little bit? The Bible doesn't tell us what they felt during that time... only that a fourth man (many Theologians say the pre-incarnate Jesus) was with them in the furnace, and that when they came out they were as good as new, no visible harm at all.

So maybe I am coming through not smelling like smoke! I can put up with a little bit of discomfort on the way there. I can take steps to handle the little inconveniences, which will only last as long as the chemotherapy lasts. Considering that the alternative to these little problems could have been a painful illness and death, I thank God for wise doctors and effective medicine. I won't let a little FBS and cold sensitivity ruin my testimony!